where am i from again
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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