The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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