What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
