Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
