this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
