Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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