you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
