if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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