Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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