High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
