Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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