If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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