He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My ass is underappreciated
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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