I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize