Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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