I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
