So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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