Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
