I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
