The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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