Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
