Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
