So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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