And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
