Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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