reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
