I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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