dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
