take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
