What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
