I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
