But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize