She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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