I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't think brook has ever known best
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Enjoy the penises
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
