I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
