Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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