Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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