I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What a dumb baby whore.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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