I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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