Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
