dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
