omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
