So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
