Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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