Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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