i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
