it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
