I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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