Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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