my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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