so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
