I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
