Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
