Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
