I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize