I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
