We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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