I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
