3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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