direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
