You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
