Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
