I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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