Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
