He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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