Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am one with the molecules
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
