I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
