How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
