i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize