Umm I'm too high to move.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
