I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
